In the past I've committed to losing five pounds, gaining five pounds, paying more attention to my school work, being a better wife, being a better friend, exercising more frequently, reading more often, and the list goes on. I take the disappointments of the previous year and attempt to force myself into a better year with a few changes. I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever successfully reached a New Year's goal. Can you relate?
It's almost like I'm not happy, or maybe even satisfied, with the previous year, so I feel like these changes will give me fulfillment. I think that these changes will set me free.
During December, I started my usual planning on all the changes I needed to make 2013 better. In 2013, I pictured Max and I buying our first house, signing a contract with Cirque Du Soleil, moving out west to fulfill my dreams, Max finding his dream job in Las Vegas, an ever increasing flow of money that would allow me to visit my family more often, a trip or two overseas with Max, and maybe even a new dog. I wanted to read more, write more, pray more, love more, and live more.
Yes, there are some goals in there that aren't too vain or too selfish, and could be pretty attainable. I'm even fulfilling one of those desires right now! The funny thing is that most of those goals are out of my hands. I can't do ANYTHING to ensure that I receive a contract, and we can't buy our first house until we know what city to buy a house in! We can't plan our vacations until we know what city to book a flight out of or what dates we can get off work. We can't even get another dog until we have a backyard.
I literally have absolutely no control over my goals for 2013. We just have to sit back and wait to see what happens...just wait, and wait, and wait. Can you imagine how frustrating and depressing this is for a control freak?! I think God intended this. Actually, I know God intended this.
If I could wrap up my December goals into one phrase, it would be that I wanted to live more in 2013. In order to reach this goal, I thought the above changes needed to come true.
Do you have a list of things in your life that must happen in 2013 for you to be happy? Maybe a job, or a relationship, or something else that feels like it will make you satisfied?
I had a long, long list, and then I read this:
O God, You are my God; I shall seek You earnestly;
My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You,
In a dry and weary land whether there is no water.
Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary,
To see Your power and Your glory.
Because Your lovingkindness is better than life,
My lips will praise You.
So I will bless You as long as I live;
I will lift up my hands in Your name.
My soul is satisfied as with marrow and fatness,
And my mouth offers praises with joyful lips.
When I remember you on my bed,
I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help,
And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:1-8
When I read these words of David, I felt the satisfaction that David had in his relationship with God. His fulfillment didn't come from the things that he was looking forward to receiving, but instead, David's satisfaction came from God. He was spiritually thirsty and yearning for the Lord, and only the Lord rid David of the emptiness needing to be filled.
Maybe we look so much toward what the future holds that we forget to be grateful for the stage of life that God has offered us now. Right now.
My only jobs right now are to be a great wife to my hardworking husband and to be a caring coach to my high school gymnasts. We live in a wonderful first home in a beautiful area with our first dog. There is always fresh food in the refrigerator, and we are very blessed to have a loving marriage.
Maybe it's time we realize how blessed we are right now, in this moment, and appreciate God's will for us THIS day. It might not be a perfect day or an easy day, but it will be just what God had in mind. Instead of being discontent until the future reveals itself, it's time to remain satisfied in God during the process.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the Lord. Proverbs 21:30
In their hearts humans plan their steps, but the Lord determines their steps. Proverbs 16:9
All this comes from the Lord Almighty, whose plan is wonderful, whose wisdom is magnificent.
Isaiah 28:29
Here's to TODAY, not 2013.
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